Ambivalence

ambivalence

Directed by Edan Winckler
Sound score by Eli Elisco
Talent/ Dancer by Joey Butterworth

You know that place, that liminal space,
between wakefulness and dreaming?

That feeling of mystery and expansiveness,
ominous yet alluring.
Where you know nothing can actually harm you there.
Where anything and nothing is possible. 

That subconscious dreamstate where you ask all of the questions
you don’t dare to ask awake.
And later, you never quite know what was answered,
but you can feel the subtle changes to your state of being. 

There are unsaid feelings contrasting one another –
unsettlement and aliveness living within.
It’s hard to pinpoint exactly what happened,
but you can feel it, sense it.

Your body knows.
The tension between.

“Ambivalence” is a collaborative production between Herderin and fellow Bay Area artists, shot in SF's Golden Gate Park, capturing the delicate place between dream and awakening. Through sound, movement and light, you can feel the slow tension building along the contrast of obscure subconsciousness and familiar wakefulness. Edan Winckler, cinematographer and director, chose both the shadowed forest and sunlit nasturtium patch to echo these contrasting states, the warmth meeting the darkness that is felt. Paired with Joey Butterworth’s movement and dance, and Eli Elisco’s use of sound and breath, you feel as if you are there, as if you too are in that liminal space. And we all are.

Joey is wearing Herderin’s Olga Means Holy Funnelneck Dress and the Original Sweaterdress in Merino Wool.

From the Director, Edan Winckler

"I first had this idea to incorporate the talents of the people I've met here in the Sunset District of San Francisco. I have always wanted to collaborate creatively with Joey (the dancer), as she's a talented dancer and a dear friend to me. Eli (the composer) and I have worked together on a few music videos and local documentaries. I believe that Eli is an underground artist now but has the potential to be a well-known musician in the coming years. His music evokes emotion and always tells a story which I felt was perfect for this project.

“Ambivalence” is meant to replicate an ambivalent dreamscape. Joey is locked in this limbo throughout the film. One scene is to be uncanny, to symbolize obscurity in her personality. This side of her is lonely, mysterious, discreet. The other scene is to display a sporadic, eccentric side of her. She is explosive, visible, striking. When the tension of the song finally culminates with her awakening, she is one, both of the versions of this dreamscape exist together. 

The idea for “Ambivalence” started with simple shot ideas. I knew I wanted to shoot Joey and wanted to incorporate camera movement to emphasize her sporadic dance style. That is when I had the idea to create contrast between two scenes: one slow and the other fast. You can tell in the piece that there are colder, slower, eerier scenes in which Joey dances slowly with sweeping movements. In the background, Alix of Herderin is controlling the smoke machine adding an almost sinister feel. This is also intercut with a warmer, faster, livelier scene in the meadow. As Joey danced, I would run through the meadow with my camera on a gimbal achieving those moving shots."

Artist Statements

Edan Winckler is a local Bay Area director and cinematographer. He specializes in short narrative work and abstract film, combining both creative visuals and compelling storytelling.

Eli Elisco is a San Francisco-based composer, independent artist, and filmmaker. With no formal musical training, his sound is one born from instinct and a musical intuition uniquely his own.

Herderin is an auto-ethnographical research and design studio creating Climate Beneficial and regenerative clothing for the community.